Even when this seems paradoxical on the surface, - how could you ever possibly want anything but happiness, - on a deeper level, there is something in you that is making it so. To transform your life you first must understand what is keeping it the way it is.
The first step is acknowledging that your expectations were and still are unrealistic. Making demands and counter-demands won't change a thing. These demands must be seen for what they are which is not a pathway to "fairness" or "justice". Instead, they are expressions of resentment, betrayal, disillusionment, rage and anger - all valid feelings but not very productive ones. Feel them. Acknowledge that their cause is unrealistic expectations, anger and grief.
Then second step is accepting that you are partially responsible for this situation. if you let go and stop making demands your partner will never meet, you can stop punishing each other. In fact, there will be no reason to punish each other. but if you hang on to your anger and grief, it is you who wises to continue this negative relationship. In other words, even if your partner is the biggest jerk on the planet, it is you who is choosing to stay in this relationship. Accept you are an active player and move on to the final step.
Once you acknowledge that your demands and expectation are unrealistic and accept your half of the responsibility for sustaining this relationship, all you need is permission to let go. So give it. Then with no effort at all, a kind of 'falling away; of the downward spiral occurs as you find yourself moving up and out. Tears flow as you grieve the finality of this action and loss this moment represents. But at the same time, a window opens in your heart and life energy begins to flow in and out again.
Clearly letting go is not about giving up something. It's about getting something back - namely, your life, your true self. You are no longer bound in a relationship that was pulling you down, fettered by unrealistic expectations, self-anger and unresolved grief. Now unrestrained by chains of your own devising, you are free to become the authentic person you are, reclaiming the joy that is your birthright.
So liberating and fulfilling is this moment, you ask yourself, "why did i wait so long?". I'm glad this day finally came into my life (thanks to you). Rational is a way to be.
p.s : spitting is not so cool after all.
Love,
fcc.
